Oh I can’t do that! Why avoidance keeps you stuck.

No matter your age or circumstances, you are going to have situations come up that are outside your comfort zone. Feeling uncomfortable, a little or a lot, can trigger all sorts of reactions. Many people view feeling uncomfortable as something to avoid as much as possible because they have been taught (or have assumed) that feeling bad is always bad.

However, avoiding situations that make you feel uncomfortable has a downside, too. Avoidance often makes anxiety worse because the brain registers the avoided situation as “threatening”. This label (threatening) prevents a person from learning to master new or novel situations leaving them feeling more intimidated by everyday life. For example, a person who feels uncomfortable going off to a distant college remains at home and commutes to a local community college. Going away from home registers as a threatening experience. After graduating, the person begins to look for a job and again the job offer that is far away is registered as a threatening thing and the person automatically declines the offer and waits for something “closer to home”. After working at a local job for several years, a person can feel stifled and even inadequate when they run into a college friend who talks of an awesome job they took in another state. However, the person feels stuck because they can only think of the negative outcomes of moving away. Unhappy with their current local job but unable to get past the anxiety/stress of looking for a more rewarding job further from home, the person feels even more inadequate. The feeling that these situations are threatening is too strong to push past them.

Feeling uncomfortable means you are outside your comfort zone. The interesting thing about a comfort zone (or trying to stay comfortable in all situations) is that if you try to stay inside it; it gets smaller! Yep! Why? Because growth only occurs outside your comfort zone. A person’s comfort zone grows when a person takes manageable and calculated risks. This isn’t about bungee-jumping off a bridge, it is about accepting the feeling of being uncomfortable and not letting it make your decisions. Risks like taking a speech class in college or asking a girl you like for a date. Risks like going on a vacation alone or taking dance lessons. It’s about joining a club when you don’t know anyone or asking for a raise.  As a person faces their feelings of being uncomfortable, they learn to cope with those feelings and their self-esteem improves. So remember…..feeling bad isn’t always bad.