Resilience: What does it mean?

By Elaine A. Malec, PhD

Be resilient. Be strong. Keep going. Get up when you fall. On the surface, this might sound like pep talk. But is being resilient always the right way to handle hardships? Is being resilient a strength. Can resilience be a denial of our real feelings or perhaps a denial of what we really need.

Resilience has often been seen through the lens of mental toughness and certainly it takes mental toughness to be resilient. But let’s take a closer look at the many aspects of resilience.

Resilience in childhood has been studied since the 1970’s and our understanding has grown over time. The initial study found that some children that grew up in adverse environments were able to transcend their experiences and develop quite normally despite their upbringing. What can we learn from these children?

Resilience isn’t about relying on oneself to “get through things” without complaints and emotions. It often does include significant struggles and strong feelings. The person who is resilient can adapt and use whatever resources that are available at the time; both internal and external. The resilient person asks for help when he/she is able. The resilient person doesn’t try to do “everything” themselves. Being resilient allows the person to find ways around obstacles and sometimes accept failure without viewing themselves as a failure.

Being resilient doesn’t mean you have to “go it alone” and do everything yourself. It means being open to asking for and accepting help when it is available and “going alone” when there is no one there who can help. Resilience doesn’t require a person to deny bad feelings, it just means the person finds a way around a circumstance that is causing those bad feelings or accepts that the bad feelings are part of a bigger picture that they believe will be for the best in the long run.