By Elaine A. Malec, PhD

Whether you are just starting to date or have been dating for a long time, dating is about engaging in a relationship to become emotionally and romantically connected to someone. Honesty is an essential element in getting close to someone and needs to be true for both people in the relationship. However, getting close to someone is a process, not an event. Therefore, how, and when to disclose the more personal, intimate details of your life need to be done with an appreciation of whether the relationship has reached the point where this level of intimacy is equally valued.

Slow Down: In most cases, slower is better. This means, that in the beginning of a relationship, it is better to take time to create a relaxed and pleasant connection before talking about deeper, perhaps more “serious”, topics. Building a friendship as the foundation of a romantic relationship yields the best possibility of a long-term connection. As the relationship becomes relaxed and positive, the disclosure will be heard in a more natural way.

The Frame: When it’s time, you want to disclose your participation in therapy in a way that allows the other person to view it (and you) as a strength. The stigma of going to therapy continues to be a challenge for many people, and when you disclose you are participating in therapy for self-improvement, you are making a statement about how you feel about yourself, and you’re desire to grow and be better.

This not that: How you talk about going to therapy can paint an image of you that will influence the other person’s view of you. Try to avoid statements like, “I’ve had major problems with depression my whole life and I’ve had to go to therapy forever.” It is better to frame it as “Although, I’ve had some tough times in my life with depression, I really benefit from my therapist’s ability to help me work through it.” Instead of saying, “I’m in therapy because of my ex-boyfriend (partner) was a jerk who treated me like crap” it is better to say, “Right now, I’m seeing a therapist who is really helping me understand how to be more confident and have healthier relationships.”

When framing your therapy as a way to conquer challenges, you are creating a view of yourself as someone who wants to be seen as an equal and valued person in the relationship.

Disclosing your participation in therapy is a personal choice and is best done within a relationship which has become a relaxed and positive friendship. The way it is framed can help to create an image of a person who sees themselves as equal and valued.