by Elaine A. Malec, PhD

Parenting a teenager (aged 13-19) can be akin to being on an emotional roller-coaster. One moment they're your cute little kid, and the next, they're practically shape-shifting right before your eyes. They've entered a critical developmental phase where they're seeking validation and mastery from their peers, but guess what? You're still pretty much on the radar too. As much as they're exploring independence, they also crave reassurance from good old mom and dad. So, let's dive into four fantastic tips to help you bolster your teen’s self-esteem while keeping up with their ever-changing world.

The Power of Availability

Teens are like unpredictable weather patterns; they'll open up to you, but only when they're ready. So even if it feels like you're invisible despite being around, remember, your presence in itself is comforting. Teens have a whirlwind of internal experiences they're grappling with, and in their quest for peer approval, they need to feel ready to confide in adults. So, when they do reach out, and you are receptive, they feel supported. Never underestimate the power of these conversations; they can be game-changers in your teen's life.

Embrace Their Influence

It's incredibly validating for a teenager when they see you taking their advice. Whether it's trying out their recommended style of lipstick, sampling an exotic cuisine they've raved about, or reading that quirky zine they can't stop talking about. Show them that their world is worth exploring. It's a simple, yet effective way to boost their confidence.

Master the Art of Asking

Remember that lecturing is a no-no when conversing with your teen. It's a one-way ticket to Shut-Down City. Rather than imposing a lecture, approach them with a question - it shows respect and expresses a genuine interest in their thoughts. This style of communication empowers your teen and validates their opinions.

Focus on Character, Not Just Achievements

Life's a wild ride, filled with triumphs and letdowns. To prepare your teen for this roller-coaster, it's crucial to focus on their character traits over their behaviors or achievements. Rather than highlighting the 'A' on their report card, commend their perseverance and courage to take challenging classes. Instead of obsessing over the score they made in a game, praise the effort they put into their position or how they encouraged the team during tough times. These character assets will help them bounce back better when life throws its curveballs.

Parenting a teenager might sometimes feel like decoding a complex algorithm, but remember, they're just finding their footing in this vast world. Use these tips to navigate your journey with them, and you'll see their self-esteem blossom right before your eyes. Here's to raising confident, self-assured adults!

Blog adapted from previous article written in Northern Connections by the author.